Personal Treatise: Understanding & Creation

    Un-der-stand-ing noun : Mental grasp, the power to make experience intelligible by applying concepts and categories. Each day we face new obstacles in life, as does every single living being around us. As the days roll into one another, there are certain terms that I believe resonate in each person's mind: I don't understand. They don't get it. He, she, no one understands. We are constantly looking at our differences, what separates each of us from the other. We never take nearly as much time to take that extra moment, that fleeting second to try and find a familiarity between one life and another... But if we did... If we took a few moments to try and understand those around us. Maybe delve a little deeper, question something or someone that puzzles us instead of passing judgment so quickly; The connection we could create may be colossal, or at least equalizing.

Cre-a-tion noun : The act of making, inventing or producing, especially : The act of bringing the world into order or existence. As human beings, we are the creations of God, made of his image and put on earth to discover our purpose. Each of us was given the ability of free will in hopes that we may follow a higher path, even in times of adversity or complication. We may choose and act how we please, but with composure, clarity and understanding we, like God have the remarkable power to create almost anything.

     I am no one to a lot of people, just another misunderstanding. I am young to a lot of people. I am only twenty one years old. I have –God willing, so much more life left in front of me, to make my own connections, mistakes and differences. I have faced things that many do not know. I have watched friends suffer from depression, drug addiction or physical abuse. I have watched family struggle financially. I have watched the man I knew to be my father and grew up with, die feet from me in my living room from cancer. I have suffered loss, been humiliated, laughed at, taunted, and put down by people unwilling to understand anything outside of their comfort zone. I don’t know how much I consider be to important in life, and I am sure that like each gust of win that blows by, reminding me of those I have lost my opinions on many topics will alter and evolve, but if there is anything I do know, it is the concept I have described above. We must try our best to learn from one another and understand all that can be understood. 

     Terrible things happen to good people. There are no evident reasons why. We must fight and fight and fight and fight again to over come the evil of our world, because even through our most clouded moments, there is beauty growing all around. Some people may face trials in life so shattering they may not be able to go on, but we, the strong, the ones still fighting the good fight, we must take their purest memories along with us and glorify the positive. Creation is our most blessed gift. Compose yourself, clear your mind, understand all that can be understood and create the life you believe in your heart you deserve

Personal Treatise: Composure & Clarity

     Our world is constantly changing. Our waters shift, and people, like stars burn out making room for the new to shed light on the earth. There is very little which is able to keep us stationary for more than a few moments or that we are able to maintain ourselves. We erode, like the bits of cliffs that fall into the ocean out of and out of mind. Change can be blessed, devastating or simply minute. Our aim must begin on finding and maintaining composure. Until we are able to accept the changes that will be a constant throughout life, we cannot hope for much more.
     Com-po-sure noun : A calmness or repose, especially of mind, bearing or appearance. Such an attractive concept. To be calm and all that goes with it; Happiness, satisfaction, contentment. So many lose themselves in small selfless acts. We act out when something does not go our way, or lash out at another when we are unable or refusing to understand. We automatically think of the "What If's" of every situation, in order to argue a point, but why argue something that has not occured? Of course, many will face certain life altering moments, where the thought of a tranquil mind may be near impossible, but for those small moments -the every day moments -the ones you look back on and say "I could have handled that better," strive to handle each moment best the first time. Second chances are few and far between. Earth and time are unforgiving. A single word no matter how small, has the power to cripple a life. A hateful word used with or without intent can shatter a soul. When we strive to maintain our composure, we may gain clarity, and through clarity we may see something more that we were oblivious to at first glance.
     Clar-i-ty noun : The quality or state of being clear. Each day we come in contact with hundreds of people, but only about a handful do we have interactions with, not counting whether they be sincere or not. This is from a state of mind which is clouded. Even as the opportunity arises, we are clouded with reasoning for not making new connections; unfamiliarity, indifference, misunderstanding, or simply always wanting the rest of the world to come to us -in short, selfishness. We seldom think about reasons we should stop to take a few extra moments and make a connection. We are constantly faced with people we don't know. We take that first look and make our first judgements; girl, boy, tall, short, skinny, pretty, ugly, smiling. Next, we add our own emotions to others without having the slightest idea what thoughts or true concerns could be whirling in and out of their mind. We think to ourselves, that person looks distressed, glum, merry, intoxicated, irritable, hateful, outlandish. We have almost nothing more to go on than a physical appearance and a potential few remarks, yet we create a character in front of us and either pass or fail them as an equal.
     How cynical are we to think anyone less than ourselves? Are our own lives so privileged? So high and mighty that we may sit upon clouds and look down at others like ants to step on? To a clouded mind this is a customary occurrence. But what if we could maintain our clarity? Keep an open mind? Listen more and talk less... With even the smallest bit of undersanding, what a world we could create.

Etiquette in Adolescents... Or the lack of.

     As a little girl, I can reminisce on times when I would be swung back and forth -with my mothers help of course, from the large oak tree in my back yard. Don't paint yourself the prettiest of pictures. I had a dog who dug up the yard and for reasons beyond my comprehension, and no matter what magic spells of lawn and grass growth my grandfather tried, exactly half of our yard refused to grow thick green grass. In it's place was dirt, weeds, and straw looking bits of what most would never even consider "grass". With that said. My mother would still smile at me and laugh as she pushed. "Don't stop! Higher! Faster!" I would call out, and her response -in a sing song voice was always "Whats the magic word?"
     Please. Please. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. A common word used in my daily vocabulary courtesy of the foundations set by my mother, as well as other family members within my small childhood bubble. Etiquette. Societal norms. Common courtesy. All of these ideals never seemed to be taught. These were ideals that settled into my daily life without fuss through watching and experiencing. My mother pulled me out of Lunenburg public school and enrolled me into private catholic schools from the age of thirteen all the way up until college. I am extremely appreciative of this as I look back at the fantastic instructors I was blessed with. During high school I looked up to my teachers in awe. The way they carried themselves, their intellect and creativity. I had made decisions by this point that although teaching was probably not going to be part of my life path, I certainly wanted to be as captivating and polished.
     High school students will always have their disrespectful moments. High school is, in other words, an experimental hazard zone. It is filled with toxic language and septic activities. I am content in saying I did not take part in very many high school hazards. I didn't have many close friends... or maybe that is just my excuse for not many people liking me. I was... odd. Now a days I am odd and proud, but back then, I lacked confidence. That is however another story for another time. Back to my current thought... Although high school is a place for rebellion, I never understood my complete appreciation for my small catholic school until I reached college.
     College was much worse than any high school experiment. College was giant, crude catastrophe. The first few months in college I thought to myself: This must be what animals caught in an oil spill felt like. Incapable of any escape, with a never ending stench of corruption. I can remember, and practically still feel the ache in my face when I naturally assumed the person in front of me would hold the door into the next corridor and then it surprisingly smacked me in the face. As the months continued my classrooms were home to swearing, inconsideration and crude humor. I was so put down by all of this behavior. Students fighting with teachers, students fighting with other students. It all seemed so moronic and frivolous. I constantly wondered as I watched girls sneer at one another and boys snort like pigs What the hell is this place? Why do kids speak like this? CAN YOU HEAR YOURSELF?!!
     Now to be blunt: Where has common courtesy and respect gone? Girls, is it too difficult to comprehend that when you insist on using vulgar language and cut down one another boys will be desensitized to you? Yet you seem to think acting and speaking like you have never heard a polite word in your entire existence will still land you you're Prince Charming. Reality check: the swearing, sneering and vulgar language or behavior in general is so down right unattractive and idiotic. Boy's are not home free either. I don't see a difference in who you are, what you look like, your sex... I don't care what the scenario is, I want to point this out; Regardless of how sensitive a subject or uncomfortable, there is a delicate and more educated way to form and voice your opinion than what most people do, and if you truly cant think of anything but negative thoughts: Keep your mouth shut. Save up the oxygen produced in the world for a more important use than your bitter words. As a matter of fact, don't speak negatively, or write it anywhere as well. Especially social networking sites. You are embarrassing yourself, and I'm going to assume that whatever your negative thought is, no one else wants it to fill up any space in their mind.

"If more girls would sit down and act like ladies, more men would stand up and act like gentlemen."

Personal Treatise: Commencement

Who am I? On the surface, I am ordinary. I am female. I am brunette. I have green eyes. I am tall.  I am a vegetarian. I work two jobs. I go to school. I live at home with my boyfriend as well as mother and grandmother. This is what one could point out and see from the outside; that first judgment and also, that same judgment that may condemn another to only ever look this close and never dare to look closer. Yes I am all these things, but is that all I am? Absolutely, utterly and unequivocally Not.

Of course, there are many parts of my being the rest of the world may never unlock. I have my own secrets, shame, lies and sorrow… But I also feel love, pain, and everything in between. I am a believer in God. I am an optimist and existentialist. I am stubborn and competitive. I am an indecisive mind, constantly shifting directions. I am a writer, actress, painter, and songbird. I am a heart and soul overflowing with emotions strong enough to wipe out a galaxy. I am empathetic to those around me even whom I may not know, and because of this, I cry… A lot. I am many different things to many different people, depending on how brave they have been, and how close they have dared to look. I am a fierce friend, a loving daughter, and a devoted girlfriend.

Most of all, I am a firm believer that everyone has their own unique and intricate story, never completely like another’s. It is not only a possibility, but a purpose in life, to both enlighten those we come in contact with about ourselves, but more importantly, to acknowledge and stretch our understandings of those around us, even when foreign and sometimes frightening… In the same instance, we must also remind ourselves that there will always be mysteries in life. Secrets and skepticism have led to many great things. Love and life both thrive on what is unknown. Without the combination of questioning and learning, there would inevitably be no growth. Well all have our own path, some more problematic or demanding than anothers, but we have all faced self doubt, either at the hands of another or worse, our own self. So... when we are invited to learn about each other, we must always try... But how?

Personal Treatise

As part of my final year of college, a large project I am in the midst of completing is my personal treatise. In simpler terms, I am writing a piece on what I believe is most important in life. Even though I am only twenty-one, do not know what I want to be when I get out of college, and do not even know everything there is to know about myself, there are elements I believe to be most important in order for the growth of a positive and satisfying life. So if you will give me time to create final drafts and thoughts. I will begin to piece my personal beliefs together right before you...

*All further posts are subject to change. Every person should accept that the mind is constantly dismissing and accepting new ideas and beliefs.

Conflict

     Past: I never new my biological father.. but I had been privileged to live with my grandfather since I was born. He was my father. I loved him. I called him Toohey. Unfortunately, Toohey passed away a little over a year ago from Cancer. It was a mixture of agony and relief. Agony for losing him, and relief for not having to watch him suffer a moment longer. He had forgotten who I was by the end of it all. He passed away in my living room with my mother and gram by his side, as I lay in the next room, too afraid to be so close to death. It was all so completely and utterly overwhelming.
     I found myself incapable of coping with Tooheys death. I was losing interest in friends, school work, exercising, everything that used to be of any importance to me. I accepted help and was put on Citalopram. For those who would like a small description; Citalopram is in a class of antidepressants called Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors, which is a formal way of saying it works by increasing the amount of serotonin, a natural substance in the brain that helps to maintain mental balance.
     My moods began to improve, I was regaining an awareness of what was important to me, and my patience improved tremendously. I no longer had trouble rising from bed, holding conversations or keeping a positive outlook on my life. I took this medication daily for over a year. I created new friendships, rebuilt old ones, and found a person I am so thankful to be sharing my life with. After feeling strong enough, I began to ween myself off of Citalopram. I had family, friends, and a loving boyfriend. I no longer felt the need for anything extra to keep my spirits high. It took between four to five months to be medication free.
     Present: I am now faced with a new conflict. Crying. Everything, and I mean everything makes me cry. As I have stopped taking Citaloprom, it has become a more and more prominent part of my character, and one that I am not fond of. I cannot seem to go anywhere without something or someone making me cry; A heart felt commercial, a play, a quote, a speech, an action, a child, an animal. I am a theater major and although I am constantly told to allow my emotions to "flow" I am beginning to wonder if this is too much. It is beginning to effect my relationships with people as well as my perception of myself. I feel weak and fragile. I cannot help but assume this has something to do with the now uneven chemical balances in my system.
      Future: I have been toying with the thought of once again taking Citalopram... but then what? Continue taking a medication forever? This is not a thought I am content with. I have researched my conflict; No I am not pregnant, and no I do not feel depressed any longer. Some people say that those having deeper connections with their emotions than others are considered Sensates. This is very rare but a possibility none the less. I am now faced with some tough decisions. I have always prided myself for being so in tune with all of my emotions at their deepest levels, and being able to connect with others, listen and give advice... but at what price? I worry that if I cannot maintain control of my own emotions, I could start another very familiar downward spiral. More importantly if I cannot help myself, how will I help anyone else? ...

Exposition

Create a path and follow it. Make it yours. Veer off into an unidentified abyss. Be daring and embrace chaos. Declare soundness to each of your intentions as you travel along. Visualize impossibilities that those conforming to the ordinary would be too meek to explore. Your journey awaits you. How much longer will you hesitate?

Hello. My name is Chelsea, and this is my path.